That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize