I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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