i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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