you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
