he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
