Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
its liver damage thursday
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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