paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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