Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
