chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
