I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
