Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
