haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize