But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
