Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need water and some morals
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
