i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
