Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
