Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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