My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
