fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
