Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
