Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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