Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
