He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
