i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
