Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
