He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
