boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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