Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
