yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
