So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
