drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
