woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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