I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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