im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just invented taco cereal.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
