Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
