I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
