Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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