I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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