I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
