I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
