I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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