Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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