Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize