please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The power of my boobs compel you
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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