Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
