But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
