also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
