shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
