Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
