People with herpes should wear stickers.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
