mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
