At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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