If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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