Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
