Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
