I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize