the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
