I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
