Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
