maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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