eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
