I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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