why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
