between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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