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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
