I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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