haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
