my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
being pregnant is like rehab
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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