Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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