Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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