yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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