you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
