hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
