Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
