Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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