just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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