What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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