she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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