I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
