addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
