Too much gin, very little bucket
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
