You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
