i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
