Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize