This is not my ceiling
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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