Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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