i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
