Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
