Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
