I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
