Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
