Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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